Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize