no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
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This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
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i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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