At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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