new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
