Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
