so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
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I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize