so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
