get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
