He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
