I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
