wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
