I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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