i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
