Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
