I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
