if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
