we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
