belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
