you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
