i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
