some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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