Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
