I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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