covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
