My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
