is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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