I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
