you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Randomize
