I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
