i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
