Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
