I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
