you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
