You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
