My sheets look like a crime scene.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
