alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
When are your genitals available?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
