He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
