I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
