Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Barsexuality is the new black.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
