shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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