think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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