Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
