I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
