My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My ass is underappreciated
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
