how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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