i think i have herpe
just one?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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