operation have a gay friend backfired
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
