So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
