Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
