my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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