Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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