we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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