I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
what day is it and did you see me today?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
