I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
