I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
