Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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