It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
