i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
