my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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