i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
