Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
