I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
