He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
