There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
