Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I deserve this hangover.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
