the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
