My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
50% drunk capacity currently
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
