can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
